Lo Bashamayim He

Lefty’s Law # 2:

Come prepared.

Intended Audience: Shadchanim

Though it is true that shidduchim are made in shamayim, a shadchan is the shaliach. As with any other heavenly matters that impact upon our daily lives – hishtadlus is required.

When a shidduch idea pops into your head, take a minute to think about why you thought of these two individuals as a possible couple. Write down your reasoning, and if you have time, explore further.

Is it because they have similar life-goals? Is it because they come from similar backgrounds? Is it because they share the same interests? Is it because you can’t stand either of them? (That was only partially in jest, BTW. I personally know of a success story attributed to this exact situation.)

Sometimes this exercise will make you realize that it wasn’t the best idea after all. Just because two people both like eating out and photography, doesn’t mean that you can bridge the gap between MO and Chassidus. Sometimes you’ll find even more of a reason to set these people up. (Oh, right! I forgot that he’s also a Master in Kung Fu…)

Once you have your reasoning straight, prepare it in a straightforward and appealing manner. “What made me think of this idea is the fact that both he and she are super-committed to a life of klei-kodesh. I also felt she would appreciate his sensitive side, since she has been married before and has seen the other side of some loud, charismatic personalities.”

Next, prepare a basic description of each party and some anecdotes, if relevant. Know which ideas/issues are important to each party, and make sure to explain how the other person jives with said ideas.

Use all this info to suggest the idea to each side.

You don’t have to read from your notes, but it does help to have what to work with if your mind goes blank as you dial the guy’s mother.

Happy shadchaning!



I’ll be the first to admit that I am an amateur shadchan.

Contrary to what many believe, it seems that matchmaking is a serious skill that needs to be honed and nurtured.

As I muddle through the earlier stages of “shadchaning,” I’ve been taking notes for myself on the mistakes I make and how to avoid them in the future. I figured that it can’t hurt to share them with my three or four millions of undying fans out there…

Feel free to disagree with me – I am very open to other opinions in this arena. 


2 Comments on “Lo Bashamayim He”

  1. Princess Lea says:

    My parents have each made one marriage. (The one my father did eventually ended in divorce, but never mind).

    One does not have to be a professional shadchan to be a shadchan. You’re not even being an amateur – you just think of the people you know and try to put them together, which is admirable.

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