…thanks for asking. Really, it means a lot.
I’ve been extremely busy with trivial stuff, like a new job, an old job, medical issues, parenting, and other such silly distractions.
Although, to be honest I am exploring whether or not blogging long-term is the right thing for me and my family. I’ll try to keep you posted on that.
Part 2 is here.
See you around…
I’ll be the first to admit that I am an amateur shadchan.
Contrary to what many believe, it seems that matchmaking is a serious skill that needs to be honed and nurtured.
As I muddle through the earlier stages of “shadchaning,” I’ve been taking notes for myself on the mistakes I make and how to avoid them in the future. I figured that it can’t hurt to share them with my three or four millions of undying fans out there…
So here is Tip # 1, below.
Feel free to disagree with me – I am very open to other opinions in this arena. More to come…
Lefty’s Law # 1:
Always suggest your shidduch idea to the side which is more likely to say “no” first.
Intended Audience: Shadchanim
Convention dictates that the shidduch be suggested to the boy’s side first. This is because the boy is more likely to turn it down, due to his notorious “list.” (Excellent case in point here.) Although 95% of the time I adhere to this rule, I have learned to adapt it somewhat depending on whether or not there is reason to believe that the boy gets turned down more often than the average girl.
For example, a “perfect” (:gag:) 24 year old girl is being redt to a guy whose parents just went through a messy divorce (or any other medical/psychological/familial/social issue that is considered “baggage” for shidduch purposes). In such a case, I’d call the girl first to find out if this was something she’d consider. Chances are, this guy has a hard time getting a date, so why hurt him further unnecessarily?
If the aforementioned girl also has an “issue,” I’d stick with the original rule, because then they are “even,” and at the pre-dating stage, the boys always have the upper hand in normal situations.
Basically, the point is to be as sensitive as possible to all parties involved. Sometimes this takes extra thought and effort, but in my experience, people really appreciate it.
A mitzvah for me, at least.
I’ve come to this conclusion in a pretty roundabout manner.
I recently joined a Shmiras Halashon program as a zechus for someone I know, and it has really changed my life.
As a child, I was very careful about my speech.
Don’t get me wrong, I was really no tzaddeikes on my own.
I simply was not raised in a home where gossip was acceptable, so for the most part, watching what I said was a natural effect of being surrounded by people who were modelling this admirable behavior.
Until one day, when I was twelve or thirteen, and hanging out with a popular classmate of mine.
Let me just add that I was one of those somewhat socially awkward kids who did not have an easy time making friends. I was way too mature for my age, and I suffered for it. Once everyone else caught up, things got much better for me, and I found my place. Until high school, though, I really struggled socially.
Anyhow, this girl I really admired began discussing someone in a way that was clearly forbidden according to Hilchos Shmiras Halashon, so I gently suggested that maybe we should talk about something else.
She turned to me and said,”You know Lefty, you’ve always amazed me. You are the only girl I know who really doesn’t speak Lashon Harah. I don’t know how you do it.”
And poof! Like magic, I suddenly realized why I had no close friends. No one is interested in schmoozing with a girl who won’t discuss all the juicy stuff. So I stopped being so careful, and slowly lost almost all the sensitivity I had towards the avoidance of this prohibition. (I never did know how to take a compliment…)
Of course deep down I knew it was wrong, but I really felt like being less careful was the key to fitting in. (Awesome logic, I know. Give me a break here, I was twelve. And I’m a lefty, y’know.)
And in a sense, I was right.
Because now that I am fully grown, and care that much less about what people think, I can’t help but notice that keeping the laws of shmiras halashon is not the most popular thing to do, and makes for some mightily uncomfortable situations. But as an adult, I have a much easier time dealing with it.
Since I joined this program, I have become much more aware of what I’m saying, and the results are extremely satisfying. I am still far from perfect, but simply learning the halachos promotes a conscious awareness that stays with me all day.
It hit me recently that blogging has also been helping me out in my quest for self-control with regard to my speech.
You see, so far I am committed to remaining anonymous here. Yes, I am aware that there will be some snoopy inquisitive individuals who will put details together and figure out who I am, but to the general public I remain faceless.
I have noticed recently that when I am sharing a story or a thought in public, I have started thinking twice beforehand. If there is a chance that I might want to write about it on here, I refrain from sharing it with anyone aside from my husband beforehand. I don’t want any of my friends to say – “Hey Lefty, I just read something just like that on a frum blog by someone whose life sounds exactly like yours! :wink, wink:”
So you see, blogging leads to conscientious speech.
Boy, I am so holy.
Notice: The author of this essay did not receive any compensation, monetary or otherwise, from the Chafetz Chaim Heritage Foundation or any other organization or individual promoting gossip-free speech, with the possible exception of The Guy Up There In Charge.
So this is my first attempt at Dear Blanking, using some of my favorite blogs as fodder.
I have been reading frum blogs for a very very long time. (Sigh.)
If, like myself until pretty recently,you’ve never heard of Dear Blank letters, read Blobby’s introductory post first.
If I omitted your awesome blog, please take no offense – I’m simply not funny enough to cover them all.
Plus, I needed to leave some for others.
(As a relatively new blogger, I feel kinda safe doing this.
Ain’t that much to make fun of here. :smirk:)
Would you please stop blaming everything on me?
Sincerely, Your devoted iPhone
Who are you to talk about life on a cotton ball, anyway? Please explain.
Sincerely, Rubbing Alcohol
Please stop being so “harryer than thou.” It’s getting annoying.
The Yeshiva Bochur who carries his tefillin in a fanny pack, beat that!
What’s the excuse gonna be when you graduate? (Seriously, lay off, we can’t take the pressure…)
(P.S. – If you’re really a married old grump, there are going to be a lot of angry people.)
We guessed. Everyone and their Zeidy.
Do you EVER say no?
P.S. – And how the heck do you look so young?
Hat Tip: Blobby
Of course I absolutely need to start a blog on Erev Pesach.
I’m a lefty.
We do things differently.